How things are going for me ✨

a general life & business update post

here’s what’s new with me…

💓 Carlos & I took a minute to get into the mountains today (4/3/21!). I’m so out of shape, I need to keep on moving my body more 🧸🏞

💖 I’m wrapping up a handful of design projects still. I haven’t accepted new projects for a little while bc I’ve been exhausted— by the car theft, needing to purchase a new car, & honestly all of 2020 still feels exhausting. 🙃

💜 I’m so grateful to be able to work for myself; more grateful for Carlos’ support, & all my clients & friends who’ve graciously supported me through needing to heal from a multitude of things all one after another. You are all amazing & inspire me to keep on doing this work.

💙 Confession time: I desire to work more as an intuitive, creative, spiritual guide, more so than as a designer...

I’ve been reluctant to admit it— I get really dramatic, hyperbolic & attached to my feelings for design— ultimately I still enjoy it.

... But there’s a whole host of mental drama that has always been a part of the process. It’s something I feel like I ~have~ to go through & deal with as it comes up. I can’t negate or ignore the neuroses design work triggers. I do my best to remain resilient & not give in to the (mean) compulsions... But it requires a lot of balance for me— a lot of rest & play between doing the work.

💜 Recently I saw a gal on tik tok describe herself as a recovering self abuser, & I relate to that. It feels compulsive & habitual, being mean to myself. I do my best to create new neural paths by journaling & being honest with myself as things come up. I don’t suppress them— I express what needs to be expressed in a way that makes sense for that emotion at that particular time. I try to not fight fire with fire; by that I mean, I try to not add fuel to the flames of self-loathing. That’s also why I need a lot of rest between design projects.

⭐️ However, something I’ve noticed about myself is that intuitive guidance doesn’t drain my energy— whether astrology, human design, Feng shui or oracle cards— more than anything, I love how the recognition makes me feel, (which is important for my unique strategy & authority, but also probably for everyone else’s as well.) 🙏

💐 I’ve had clients I’ve given human design readings to say that my reading for them “flipped their whole world upside down.” 🥰

I’ve had clients say they’ll say yes to any wisdom I have to offer, that I’m a “distillation diva” lol which means I’m great at getting to the potent core of what matters.

🔥 All this to say, I still love design, but I am trying to balance it with other things. I’m trying to be vulnerable & honest about where I’m at with the work I’m doing.

👼 I’ve loved design since middle school... But the fact is, it’s not an aligned use of my energy, no matter how much I wish otherwise. Design wears me out— whether or not I like it— even if I’m not complaining.

🥺 I don’t have a sacral motor. I do have energetic willpower, which only ~really~ likes to work to live, & requires a lot of rest to act.

🎨 My Ego loves to be seen as an artist & designer, loves the study & the process & the outcomes. But my body struggles to have the energy to keep up with things the way someone with a sacral motor might.

🙏 The way forward is to do a little bit less design work. To stop recreating oppressive conditions for myself. To embrace my role as a guide instead of doing all the labor work myself.

is this post too vulnerable for business? Possibly! Do I struggle to know what’s oversharing & what’s transparent enough? Definitely. 😂

But I’m doing my best, & hope you can forgive &/or possibly celebrate me in recognizing myself for my talents, limits, & putting this all out there instead of keeping it to myself!